The pattern which would be most difficult to change would be the rigid complementarity because once one is resentful toward another in a relationship it is the most difficult to erase years or months of an unhappy pattern. The rigid complementarity is also the most damaging to a relationship, because of the silent hurting, and the unsatisfied individuals are living within a lie. I also would classify the rigid complementarity pattern as the most devastating to the self-esteem because if one partner is tired of always being incontrol or if the other one is tired of always giving in, no one is happy. Not one person is living the way they wish, they are living an unfulfilling life to some extent. Hurt self-esteem can come from an unsatisfying lifestyle, that they do not deserve more or better. If an individual decides to be a part of a relationship that is not giving back to what they put in or vise versa, can cause self-esteem issues.
Competitive symmetry is when two individuals want control or want to be in charge. I think it is a good thing to have two very active, assertive individuals together, a lot gets said, and a lot gets done. A lot of my friendships are competitive symmetry and it works out great because we understand each other's own desire of when or how to be in control.
Submissive symmetry is one pattern i do not understand. How can not one person have something to say? Being overly submissive should not be allowed, I find it hard to get to know someone if they do not even know what they want, or what they value on their own. If an individual only complies to others and not their own desires then I am not growing or learning anything from a submissive relationship at all.
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I also found the submissive relationship to be interesting. How can not one person in the relationship have an opinion? How do these people make decisions? Who are these people? It’s almost frustrating to me. I feel that is someone is that submissive, they probably do not really know who they are. If there are two people that are submissive in a relationship with each other, that’s even worse. People should have some say about things in their own life, otherwise they’re not really living it, and other people are always making decisions for them. And you’re right nothing is being learned in a relationship if they are not giving some input or showing their opinions. It’s a shame.
ReplyDeleteHonestly it makes me annoyed thinking about two people just sitting there getting no where in a conversation or in any type of relationship. If someone was like tell me something about yourself, and the other person says, 'no no you first!' and back and forth they go, how is that building interpersonal steps for any type of relationship. Perhaps some submissive individuals accept life being inactive in a relationship, next time i meet someone like that i am definitely going to bug them about why they cannot decide on anything.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience relationships which exhibit submissive symmetry are often very new relationships or this pattern occurs briefly from time to time in lasting relationships. Of course, relationships that start off in this pattern go nowhere fast, and either the pattern changes or the relationship dies. The submissive symmetry pattern is interesting to me as it has a tendency to kill a relationship quickly, if the pattern is not interrupted, but leaves the least scars. In other-words, the self esteem of the individual is not hurt severely by this pattern and, at least for me, there is little ill-will to the other individual.
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